Was There A Two-Drink Minimum No One Told Me About?

Going to see The Tempest was, at best, an incredibly questionable experience. This play had a serious problem. That problem was the directing. When I first saw the set, I was very excited. The set was amazing. Unfortunately, the set was just about the only amazing thing about the production. The acting was incredibly mediocre. I felt like I was watching a bunch of teenagers who had never done Shakespeare before, not seasoned professionals with years of Equity work under their belts. They should have been amazing. The actress who played Ariel was the only remotely interesting person in the cast, and she wasn't on stage enough to make up for the mind-numbing bore that was the rest of the show.

The blocking (stage movement) was SO BORING. Anyone delivering a long soliloquy just stood there and did took some noncommittal shuffling steps back and forth. I mean, performing Shakespeare should be so freeing! There are no stage directions! You can do whatever you want! The world is your oyster! This play is so exciting and exuberant. You could do practically anything, so why the horrible boring blocking? If I was just interested in the words, I'd buy an audiobook. Theatre is a visual medium. Thus, when I go to the theatre, I expect visual stimulus.

I feel like this entire production just stopped short of its potential. I could see where they were going, but I don't think they took it far enough. They didn't utilize the space, I don't think they successfully portrayed the more subtle relationships between the characters (namely Prospero and Ariel), the costumes were too subtle. Caliban's acting, also, was incredibly inconsistent. Sometimes he crouched, sometimes he didn't. The fact that he ever kneeled at all did not fit with the crouchy, semi-crablike physicality he was trying to create. Sometimes he had a voice affectation, sometimes he didn't. I was watching to see if it changed when he felt safer or more powerful, but it was just spotty and inconsistent across the board.

Also, not a single actor could pronounce the word "Milan" correctly. Milan is a real place. It's currently the second-largest city in Italy, and there's a specific way to pronounce it in English. Mihl-ahn. Not Millin. Had no one in the entire cast or crew ever heard of Milan Fashion Week? The La Scala Opera House? The Italian Renaissance? No? Just me? Okay.

People kept laughing at the "jokes," and I don't understand why. Per the title of this post, I feel like I was supposed to have had a few drinks before I entered the theatre. Was this play the Shakespeare equivalent of a crappy comedy club? Was this like seeing the Shakespeare version of Andy Dick standup? Although if I were watching Andy Dick, there would be a decent chance of roller skates and neon hot pants, and that at least would have been visually interesting.